The 1st Time

You see where I left off on my last blog right? That was my childhood and teenage years summed up for you within a paragraph.....Let's fast forward a bit shall we.........When I moved here to Atlanta when I was 21 around 1997 I was still finding me. What moved me, what I believed in, how to define one's self. I knew that I was attracted to both women and men....but at this point I hadn't experienced man to man sexual contact. Yeah I jacked off to some books, or just closed my eyes and imagined what it would feel like....but just hadn't made that step. Really I didn't know how. Well once I moved here I found out about telephone chat lines. A free service to listen and record voicemail messages for others to hear, but to recieve one on one talk you had to pay...something I just wasn't willing to do. So one night I got in my car and drove downtown and called myself trying to find a "gay bar".....as if it was going to just have a big sign in neon lights with an arrow pointing that said "Gay Men Here". Needless to say that was wasted gas and wasted time. But I did know if you look for something long enough you will find it. The apartment complex I stayed in at the time had some lesbian chicks staying across from me. I'm saying to myself I'll just approach them on the low and maybe they can point some things out to me. So I politely slipped them a note on their car saying : I'm new to the area, blk male searching for a gay or bi male to show me the ropes...my pager (didn't have a cellphone yet) is blah blah blah. Well a few days later I get a page from a guy named James. He sounded feminine on the phone which turned me on. I pretty much described myself and what I was trying to do....really wasn't alot of chatter, didn't really care to. We set up a time for him to come through. A few hours later I knock on my door....my heart raced cuz I'm like nervous and excited....really didn't know what to expect....I opened the door and James was a bald headed white guy about 5'8 220lbs and not very attractive at all. Well me being the person I am, I invited him in....at least I could do is not be rude. We talked, he told me he is a chef....has a female roomate yada yada yada. As we talked I found my horniness and maybe just a desperation to experience some male to male action kicked in....and I asked him to give me head. Shit he obliged quickly. His head game was on point....he wanted me to fuck him. I layed the fat boy on his back and put him in the buck and banged his ass like he was an enemy of mine. His asshole was tight but not too tight...he moaned like a bitch and it turned me on......Then I felt that nutt coming, I emptied myself into the rubber that was in his ass and when I pulled out.........shit was all on my condom. The most disgusting thing I've ever witnessed. At that point I felt as though I wanted to throw up, and was like what did I just do? I cleaned myself up quickly and told him he had to go....I know he felt cheap or used...but it is what it is. I told James he'll hear from me, don't call me. That was 1997....I fucked with James until about 2003.....maybe like every other month once or twice...making him pay me $100 everytime I see him. I used him, exclusively. I hate that I did that to him. In 2003 his apartment in Buckhead caught fire and he moved, don't know where.......I hope he's doing well though.